and another week begins...

Ambivalent feelings about the ending of the weekend. On the one hand, there wasn't much fun to be had. Hubby and I were fighting for much of the time, and that is never good. Whenever we fight, I am always too angry and/or sad to be productive in any capacity. So the weekend was a bit of a wash in that respect (not much fun and not very productive), and for those reasons I am sort of looking forward to the week (hopefully more productive and enjoyable). On the other hand, it will be a busy week: completing and printing conference poster, travel arrangements for said conference, research, practica, school matters to be straightened out, financial matters to be handled, not to mention classes starting on Friday (I'll be teaching two classes this semester). But my last 2-3 weeks have been so productive and promising, that I feel good about starting (and getting through) this week. For a long time (~ 2+ years), it was hard to get through my work weeks, and the weekends and evenings were spent in exhaustion, dread, panic trying to complete things at the last-minute, worrying how it was all going to get done, and at the same time having very little energy or motivation to complete these things. (Apologies for the poorly constructed stream of thought sentence there).

It's getting late and past time for bed. Some parting thoughts about the good things that happened this weekend: hubby successfully set-up high speed internet (big yay!!), did somce cleaning/organizing of my stuff, and received phone calls and cards with warm wishes from family. I guess it wasn't such a horrible weekend after all.

Busy as a bzzzz bee

Since my last posting, I've been managing to keep myself busy and productive. Maybe my depression has finally lifted. Research is rolling along. Prep for teaching is getting done (hope to be basically ready for first day of class by the end of Thursday). RA work getting done. Apartment getting cleaned (with the enormous help of hubby).

Things that I need to continue to work on: Getting up on time in the morning. Completing personal tasks in a more timely manner (i.e., laundry, bills, etc). Getting schoolwork done and staying on top of school-related matters (I've been making an effort at the latter, but I really need to put in more effort).

Both of my RAs are getting on my nerves. The one has always been somewhat lax and requiring direction from me to stay on task (which I'm not the greatest at doing), so I don't think anything has changed with her, as much as I'm getting tired of dealing with her. The other has suddenly decided to become my task master, which I deeply resent. I've noticed this since she got her recommendation letters from my advisor and me. I haven't quite figured out whether this feeling stems from my own issues (e.g., jealousy, defensiveness). Meanwhile, I find myself hoping that they both end up going to other places than my school for graduate study. It makes me feel like an evil monster.

OK, I think my hair is dry enough to go to bed now. Good night!

Here we go...

My first attempt at blogging. I'm wondering how this will go. Since this past summer, I've been reading blogs a great deal, especially the academically related blogs. I think I've been feeling isolated and lost in my own pursuit of a PhD, and I was hoping to relate to others in the same boat. It's also been very helpful for me to read the blogs of currently employed academics, as I've been thinking recently more and more of working in an academic setting. Reading all of these blogs has stirred up the desire to start journaling again. Over the past few years, I've had several false starts at journaling the old-fashioned way. These short-lived attempts probably failed because of lack of time, energy, and simple motivation to write when I could be sleeping or doing something requiring very little thought (i.e., vegging). However, I do beleive that blogging/journaling could be therapeutic for me at this point in my life. Given my mental health and emtional well-being over the past two years, I think it is time for me to be reflective and spend some energy figuring out myself: what I want, need, hope, etc.

So, here's to successful blogging and fruitful self-exploration!